I Apologize In The Same Sentence

Mairi listened to herself do it about six months ago and has not been able to stop hearing it since.

Somebody had mentioned something and she had offered, and what came out was this: I know this probably sounds odd, and please say no, but would you mind at all if I prayed about that, only if you want, it is completely fine either way.

Thirty-one words. Four of them are the offer.

She has always done it. She is not a diffident woman about most things; she runs a committee and she is perfectly capable of saying what she thinks in a room. It is this one thing, and it has a specific shape, which is that the offer arrives already retracted.

And what she noticed six months ago, listening to herself, was not that it is embarrassing. It is that the person on the other end has to do something with it.

They have to reassure her. That is the effect. She hands somebody a thing wrapped in enough hedging that their first job is to make her comfortable about having offered, and only after that can they think about whether they actually want it.

Which means her offer arrives as a small task for a person who is already carrying something.

She is forty-four. And once she saw that, she could not unsee it, and she has offered twice since and done exactly the same thing both times.

You may know that sentence.

Maybe yours is shorter than thirty-one words. Maybe you have never counted. And maybe you have also noticed that what you actually hand people is a thing they have to be kind about.

The plainest offer in Acts

There is a moment at a gate in Acts where a man asks two others for money and gets a sentence that has no hedging in it anywhere.

Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee.Acts 3:6

Look at the structure, because it is doing something very precise.

Silver and gold have I none. He names what he does not have, immediately and plainly, without embarrassment and without apologizing for not having it. There is no I am so sorry and no I wish I could help properly.

But such as I have give I thee. And then he offers what he does have, as a plain statement, with nothing wrapped round it.

Two clauses. A limit, stated. An offer, made. No apology in either, and no request for reassurance anywhere.

And notice that the limit does not weaken the offer. Naming what he lacks up front is what makes the second half clean, because there is nothing left to be discovered later and nothing being oversold.

And you are able to name the limit and make the offer without apologizing for either. The written word puts a plain lack and a plain offer in one sentence with no hedging attached, and it is the Holy Spirit and not my paragraph who makes that a usable shape for a woman who has been counting her own words.

And healing is His and the asking is yours. The word has him offer what he has rather than what he can guarantee, and the Spirit bears witness with your spirit rather than requiring you to promise anything.

What the apology is protecting

Now the mechanism, because you found the effect and it is worth having the cause.

The hedging is not protecting them. You thought it was; that is what it feels like from inside, and it is why you have never questioned it. It reads as consideration.

It is protecting you from the second and a half where somebody might not want it.

If the offer arrives already retracted, then a no is not a refusal of anything, because nothing was properly extended. That is what all thirty-one words are for, and they do it very efficiently.

And the cost, which you have already worked out, is that the protection is paid for by the other person. They do the reassuring. You get to be safe and they get a small job, and they are the one with the hospital appointment.

And you are not required to build an exit before you offer somebody something. The word says perfect love casteth out fear, and it is the fear rather than the offer that has been generating the extra twenty-seven words, and the Spirit is the one who supplies what no amount of rehearsing does.

And nothing about you is under review for years of hedging. The word says there is now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, and the Spirit supplies that to a woman who has done it twice since noticing and could not stop either time.

What plain would sound like

Practical, and short, because this is the sort of thing that improves by being said once and then done rather than analyzed.

Peter's shape works and it is four seconds long.

The limit: I cannot promise anything.

The offer: and I would like to pray for that.

That is it. No only if you want, which they know, and no say no, which they also know and which is theirs to do without your permission. A grown person can decline a plain offer, and one that has not been pre-retracted is easier to decline, not harder, because there is nothing to be gracious about.

And you are able to make a plain offer and let them answer it. The word has him state a limit and extend a thing in one breath and then simply act, and the Spirit is the one who makes that available to somebody whose sentences have been arriving pre-apologized for years.